my heart won't stop singing, this hymn

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,

Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;

Streams of mercy, never ceasing, 

Call for songs of loudest praise.

Teach me some melodious sonnet, 

Sung by flaming tongues above.

Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,

Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Here I raise my Ebenezer;

Here by Thy great help I've come;

And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,

Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,

Wandering from the fold of God;

He, to rescue me from danger,

Interposed His precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor

Daily I'm constrained to be!

Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,

Bind my wandering heart to Thee.

Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,

Prone to leave the God I love;

Here's my heart, O take and seal it,

Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,

I shall see Thy lovely face;

Clothed then in blood washed linen

How I'll sing Thy sovereign grace;

Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,

Take my ransomed soul away;

Send the angels now to carry

Me to realms of endless day.

Being Real

I want to be, anonymous. For once, I want to just let myself go, completely, in cyber world. I feel like everything is always so... out there. Ya know? It's like how on facebook everyone (including myself) has no problem displaying all personal information about themselves. Which is why so many people (once again, including myself) has a facebook-stalking problem. It's okay, people, I get it. 

I am really comfortable with myself though. I have some really great ways at making myself happy without having to use others to do so. For instance... right now I'm wearing a cream-colored cashmere afghan sweater, over my favorite "peace" sweatpants, and the yummiest, fuzzy, cheetah-print socks that I got for Christmas. Mmm, I just feel so... good!! I love that I have the ability to make me happy. That really is a very uncommon thing! I know soooo so many people that are completely self-conscious and depend on the approval of others to make themselves feel worthy. My best friend is so exquisite and perfect in her own imperfect way, and I love every curve and emotion that she has... it's just too bad that she is so dependent on the opinions of others. Her mom secretly thinks that she's pudgy, and my girl catches on to that, she's no idiot. Gosh, that just makes my blood boil that a mother could make her daughter feel that she is inadequate, when she's so amazing! 

It's sucks that the insecurity that most women have is so huge. Women are screaming everywhere to be saved from themselves. I'm sure that a large number of attempted suicides from women are because they think that they're fat. Dude, just today I was looking in the mirror, pulled up my shirt, jumped, and I was sickened at the result. It jiggled soo much. Too many Christmas cookies? Or perhaps it's just normal...

I'm a dancer, so with that comes the expectancy for a perfectly-toned, buff bod. 

Which I certainly don't have.

There have been times in my life where I've gotten pretty close to being just about the right body type that I want, but it always backslides. I can never ever keep that ideal body. Which is probably a hint from God that that is not my natural state, I'm not meant to look like my "ideal". And I might have to learn to deal with it.

I'm not gonna sit here on my bed and tell you that I'm over it, and that you should be too because it's easy. Because it's not, and I get that. I still struggle every freaking day with being happy with my body. But I have learned to make myself happy... as I stated earlier. Sometimes, it just takes baby steps. From fuzzy cheetah socks to a better body image.... maybe? I hope it works. But it's a process. Ohh, it's a process. 

Gosh, sometimes I just wish that I wasn't just like every other girl though, you know? Like I wish that I wouldn't have to live up to that stereotype of every girl hating their body. Sometimes I think that I'm not like that, and that I love my body and I embrace it.... but then I start thinking about it too much (like now) and I realize that I actually really don't like it. Crap! Fix my minnnnd!! 

Anyways... in more positive news:

I got a bread machine for Christmas, and tonight I have begun making my very first work of bread-art, which is cinnamon swirl bread! Holla hollaa!! It won't be done for another like 45 minutes though, which sucks since it's already 2:20 in the morning. Probably, I should have planned out my time better. But I was just so excited to get started with my beautiful bread machine, that I couldn't resist myself! Mm, i just hope that it will be worth it when that ooey gooey beautiful bread pops out :) Don't be jealous! Jealousy is bad!

Godspeed, friends

A.H.

Christmas Eve Humdrum

Merry Christmas Eve!!! It's all a bit surreal that it's actually Christmastime. Hmm, but I guess it's just because now that we're getting older, all of the presents and Santa stuff is a lot less monumental. Probably once I have my own chilluns, then it's all gonna become a big deal again. I still love Christmas though, don't get me wrong, but it's just for different reasons that it used to be! Like now I love Christmas because I love looking at how pretty our Christmas tree is, and I love our home all decorated, and most of all I just love having the whole Gough fam together again. We always get an ample amount of movie-watching in. And there's always a lot of lovin going around. We're such a chill family, and it suits us just fine. Christmas is wonderful, I just wish that it didn't have the expectation of having to get presents. What a stupid idea anyways! Whoever thought that presents were the basis of Christmas seriously sucks. That's such a selfish idea. It all started because of Jesus, hellooo?! And, if anything, presents were originally just given because the person wanted to do a nice thing and "give" out of their hearts! Like, one gift, people. I know, it's hard to believe. Our society has completely sucked any real meaning out of what Christmas used to be about. 

So that's how I think of Christmas. 

Oh yeah, and I loooove Christmas music! Especially Taylor Swift's little album. Mainly, her "Silent Night". So, I told myself that this Christmas break I would definitely do a million crafts, and then I was going to send out those adorable little crafts to some of my friends from school. However. I haven't made any crafts yet, I don't know what to make, and now I won't have any gifts sent out before Christmas. Hmm, I suck. But Alena taught me to knit! So I'm selfishly making myself a scarf. Once I get good and fast, I'll make them for other people. :) 

Melly Chrithmuth Eve!

hoohoohohoooooo

HI!